im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
