he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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