some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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