he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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