Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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