You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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