And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
