The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
