Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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