i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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