I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish they made helmets for livers.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
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