just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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