so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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