My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize