So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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