and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
