I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
