I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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