dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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