it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
