And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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