my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
