He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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