I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
