she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
