Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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