Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
