guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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