I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
