the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
