P.S. I can't hear my feet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize