I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
