in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
