Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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