oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
