If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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