And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
