This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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