very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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