My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
