theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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