After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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