how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
