remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize