we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
