your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
