yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
