i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
