those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
