so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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