no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
