My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
