I haven't been this sober since birth.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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