At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
