you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize