we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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