There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
