my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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