just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize