The maid of honor just puked.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
