In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
