Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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