if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
