Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
