yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
