Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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