I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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