Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
