I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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