we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You dont lie about slip and slides
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
