She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
