I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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