I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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