I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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