This is not my ceiling
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
