tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
