Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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