If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
