just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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