I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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