dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
