Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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