That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
