Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
