There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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